


The Elsinore Robot Company

by Small_Hobbit



Category: Hamlet - Shakespeare
Genre: Alternate Universe - Robots & Androids, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:29:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27452023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Small_Hobbit/pseuds/Small_Hobbit
Summary: Gertrude is not happy at the state of their robots.
Relationships: Claudius/Gertrude (Hamlet)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 6
Collections: What If? AU Challenge





	The Elsinore Robot Company

**Author's Note:**

> Written for DW's What If AU Robot AU

“Claudius, I’ve just come off the phone to the Elsinore Robot Company. They say you’ve cancelled our monthly payment and they are therefore refusing to sort out the malfunctions.” Gertrude’s voice rattled around the castle corridors as she gave vent to her fury. “And when I asked to re-instate the payments I was told they would only cover the ones which were still working and we’d have to pay separately to have the repairs made before the others could be included in the cover.”

Claudius looked up from the papers which were currently piled up on his desk. “Why don’t you just do what I did with the Polonius, and disconnect it?”

“Because the Polonius was never much use in the first place. It was supposed to file your papers, but no-one could ever find them again. It suffered from faulty programming and they never got to the bottom of what was wrong with it.”

Claudius sighed. “So, what’s failed this time?”

“The Laertes. It’s refusing to let anyone in or out of the castle door. Hamlet was stuck outside for two hours this morning in the rain.”

“He always was a bit of a drip. How did he get himself back in?”

“I found him there when I came back. I hit Laertes over the head with my umbrella; that seemed to work.”

“I defy much to stand up to you when you’re in that mood,” Claudius muttered under his breathe.

“What did you say?” Gertrude demanded.

“Nothing, dear. Any other problems?”

“The Rosencrantz has its head on backwards and doesn’t seem to know whether it’s coming or going. And the Guildenstern has acquired a high-pitched whine and frankly having Hamlet whining all the time is quite sufficient.”

“The Ophelia seems to be working, and a very efficient housemaid too.”

“Except Hamlet has fallen in love with it and has started writing love poetry to it.”

Claudius put his head in his hands. “What else can go wrong?” he asked.

There was a knock on the door, and before Claudius could reply, Gertrude had shouted, “Come in!”

“I’m sorry to have to interrupt you,” Horatio said, on entering. “But the Ophelia has fallen into the bath, while cleaning the bathroom. The bath had some water in it, and that seems to have affected the electrics. And now the Ophelia is lying in the bath, giggling and refusing to get out.”

“That’s quite enough!” Gertrude said. “Horatio, get onto the Elsinore Robot Company and tell them they can have their expensive piles of scrap metal back, and then put an order in with Fortinbras’ Norwegian Robots to get some decent replacements. And make sure you arrange a suitable service contract.”

With that, Gertrude stormed out. Horatio looked over at Claudius, who shook his head and said, “Just do it! We’ll never have any peace otherwise.”


End file.
